21b. that was a big cucumber: horizontal with josh (part 2)

Welcome in to horizontal, the podcast about intimacy of all kinds, that’s recorded while the opposite of vertical.

In this episode, I lie down with my friend Josh. Josh and I met at Circling, which is a sort of inter-relational meditation. Whereas in meditation with myself, I may sit silently with my eyes closed, observing my internal landscape, the sensations in my body, my cloud-thoughts as they pass and my hamster-wheel thoughts as they come back around— in Circling, I have my attention not only on myself, but also on the others around me, how their presence and the shifts in the room affect me, the stories I make up about them (sometimes thought of as assumptions), and what I imagine about their internal landscapes.

In Circling, I try to hold a deep, articulate awareness of myself while also endeavoring to be lushly present with others, attuned to the nuances of how they affect us, and we affect them. I believe that when it's done right, Circling is a practice of deep empathy, both for what it might feel like to be someone else, but also, compassion paired with a certain kind of respect for what it feels like to be me in the moment. A reverence for the truth of the moment. That is the context in which Josh and I met.

Josh is a fashion design-trained, floridly creative visual artist of many mediums: a baker, a cook, and new Circling facilitator. In Circling, he acts as an emotional lightning rod and visionary. He often expresses through sound, vibration, and convulsions, emotions that feel present in the room but latent— feelings that others are either unaware of or unwilling to express.

When I say that he is a visionary Circler, I mean that literally. He has *visions*. He'll often have his eyes closed, and when he opens them, he sometimes shares images that came to him during someone's expression - and there's usually something uncannily relevant about it. Sometimes, an object in the image is meaningful to the person, at other times he seems to intuit what they desire in the moment but haven't thought to ask for. I often feel awe when he describes these images, and hearing him so bold with his associations has opened a gateway for me to be bolder with mine. He embodies one of the core principles of Circling Europe: Trust Your Experience.

We recorded this episode in his trailer at the Omega Institute, the adult spiritual-person version of an expensive, short-term sleepaway camp. Josh had almost completed his 6-month work commitment there when I visited. We recorded in the early morning, during a rainstorm. The pitter-patter of the rain on the tin trailer is so sweet.

In the first half of our episode together, released as 21a., we talked about unintentional celibacy, Josh's first gay stirrings, spandex guy, the right vegetables to put up your butt, and porn energy work.

If you enjoy lying down with Josh and I, become a patron of the horizontal arts! My intention is to keep this podcast ad-free, but also to make this my primary career. Show me that you believe in my mission of cultivating intimacy across the world (and dislike ads!) by heading to patreon.com/horizontalwithlila. For $7 a month, you’ll gain access to my secret patrons Facebook group, where I share behind-the-scenes photos, fascinating articles, and near-daily curiosities, as well as some GPG (Genuine Public Gratitude. Or private gratitude, if that's what you prefer!)

In this second half of the episode, we discuss being underfucked, a text-message breakup, who owns you, and the fact that josh is a gay man no matter who he’s having sex with. I told you it was my gayest episode yet.

Yet.

Give me a little time.

Pretty sure you know what to do at this point, dear ones. Come lie down with us.

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Credit!

This episode was edited by Chad Michael Snavely! Peruse Chad’s other podcasts on chadmichael.com. My delectable cover art is by the illustrator Shana Shay, whom you can hire through 99designs— she’s such a pleasure to work with. Horizontal’s theme music is by Alan Markley, rock star and newly-minted Dad. You can find him on Instagram as plasticcannons.