Love Happens When You Are Ready: Bonus Episode 04

Welcome everybody. Welcome to the Badboy Breakthrough podcast, and today what we're chatting about is “Love happens when you're ready.”

Let's talk about what this really means. Being ready for love means you're in a good place in your life to receive love. You feel good about yourself. You know who you are. You know what you want. You're ready to go out there and make it happen for you.

Let me go into a little more detail about what that really looks like.

Getting clear about what you want

You really do need to know what love looks like to you. Otherwise, you'll get frustrated out there dating, dating online, meeting people in real life, because if you go out there just looking to meet somebody you like or have chemistry with ... It's not really sustainable long term.

You need to have a vision of what would be ideal? What works with your personality? That's a really good point, as well. It's not about having a carbon copy of you. It's about, "What is a compliment to me, and who I am, and my lifestyle?" And so forth. It's really important to get really clear about what love looks like to you.

Forget the outside stuff. How do you want the relationship to make you feel? What are your standards? What are your negotiables or non-negotiables? It's really important to get clear about what a great relationship looks like to you.

Pick a guy with great qualities.

So many people approach love with, "Do we have chemistry? Am I physically attracted to him?" Honestly, long term, these change, and it's not sustainable.

People are who they are, and if somebody is not trusting when you're in love with them and you ignore this because you have chemistry, that guy is not going to be a great partner long-term and chemistry wears off.

It's always best to have an idea of the qualities that you like in people. For me, my friends were a good role model. I had very good friendships. For example, just to share with you, a good person is a good person with everybody. Someone who's kind, masculine, thoughtful, makes you feel special, makes anyone in their company feel important or valued is a good person.  Fun and attraction are important qualities too. Think about your deal breakers.

Don't go mad with this list. If you only have five or six that are really strong to you, really important, take note of that. It just gets you clear on what actually you're looking for. When we get clear our brains get focused and actually attract what we want into our life and when we're not clear we're just going to meet random strangers over and over again. We're going to get frustrated and burnt out with dating. Be clear about what you want, pick a guy on his qualities.

Love is a choice.

If you want love, you've got to be willing to give up the habits, the excuses, the thought patterns that are holding you back. You've got to realize, "If it's to be it's up to me”. Who do I need to become to have what I want?" That's the question you need to ask yourself, because there's a lot of things you're doing well, and there's one or two things that are going to be letting you down. You need to figure out what they are and work on those areas of your life.

Understand that in the long term, love is a journey. There's going to be ups and downs like anything in life. Anything worthwhile has its ups and downs. Love does, too. Get real about it.

Take your self-worth out of dating

The guy doesn't reply, the guy says he wants to be with you, or he's sleeping with you but doesn't want to be in a relationship. I can tell you, that has got nothing to do with who you are as a person. You might make it something about you, but it's not. As soon as you take your self-worth out of every area of your life, you'll start to excel. You'll start to realize that you are confident, you are likeable, and you are attractive. You have got great things to offer others, and it's up to you to own it and put yourself out there. Self-worth will come as you grow and gain confidence with experience.

Focus on growing and focus on your skills. When you do that, instead of being problem focused you become solution focused. I want a relationship. What am I willing to do to get there? What skills do I need to learn to get there? What kind of person do I need to become to have what I want? What's working in my life? What's not working? If you ask yourself a better question, you'll get there. You’ve got to look at it like that. You'll always get there. If you know what your end result is, your end goal no matter what area of your life you're in, all you’ve got to do is take the roadmap. When you start to take your self- work out of it, you start to understand, "I just need to follow the roadmap." You will get there, if you take the necessary action and hon.

It is time to lose the ex’s, bad boyfriends and the man you have no future with

See all those exes, or the guy you used to like that do not call you anymore, the guy you were sleeping with. The guy who was not ready for a relationship, you need to just lose him. When you're still energetically involved with someone else mentally, physically or emotionally you cannot create the new because you are not open to it. Your head is somewhere else.

 Any area of your life where you're living in the past, you're choosing your future partner from something that's happened five, ten, twenty years ago, perhaps childhood. That's not creating the new. You got to let go of exes, bad boyfriends and the man you have no future with it.

 If you're looking for the right guy, you got to let go of the wrong guy. The right guy cannot come into your life when your head space is somewhere else.

When the good guy becomes a turn on

 You are ready to have a great relationship when you are turned on by a guy who treats you well. The guy who treats you badly becomes unattractive, because you're over it, you are done, it gets old. You're ready.

When you're ready, you'll find a guy who treats you well attractive. The guy who makes you feel good and important attractive. The guy who treats you like his equal attractive. When you start to find that attractive instead of not exciting enough, you're going to be in a very solid relationship that others only dream of.

Believe in love

When love fails or people struggle I see this all the time a woman who does not believe in love. When we have a conversation, and they go, "I never want to get married, all marriages end in divorce, I don’t trust men. You must believe in love.

If you want that ultimate relationship where you're attracted to him, he's fun, he treats you well, he's thoughtful. You want those relationships others think, "I want to have what she has." It's because you don't fully, fully believe in love.

You must believe it's possible for you. You must believe that there's a man out there that are good, and will treats you like a goddess and you are so so attracted too. You must believe that you can have that.

You must believe in marriage, believe in happy ever after, believe in long term relationships do work, because believe it or not, when you change your mindset, you will start to see evidence that will be in alignment with your dominant belief.

I know when I changed my own life, I remember hanging out with my Canadian cousins, and they were very happily married for fifty years. In the back of my head I said, "I want a relationship like that." I started to change how I see love.

One of my best friends in the UK is very much in love, has a very strong relationship, and I started to find evidence of people who, not everybody has a bad relationship. You need to remember that and you need to approach love like you can have it.

Heal the past or let it go

 As long as you date from hurt and put up the walls you will suffer. Broken hearts only attract other broken hears. And don't get me wrong, we don't have to be perfect to find love. Get out there. Get in action. Get going, but understand the past does not dictate your future.

It only dictates the future when your head is still in the past. This part is up to you. It comes down to choice, Deciding, "You know what? This is not serving me anymore and I'm letting it go."

You are the common denominator in all your experience

Your thinking process up to this point has created the results in your life. It's up to you to get clear on what you want. Know that you want a guy with good qualities, because you want that long lasting, loving relationship. Understanding that you're creating your own love choices. When you continue with habits and beliefs that do not serve you, it is only you keeping you stuck.

Self- worth is what you think about yourself, and it's up to you to change that because what you've been doing for the last five, ten years has not been serving you. Why would you keep doing it? When you start to find the good guy a turn on, you are ready for love. You must believe in love, you must believe in men, and you must believe it's possible for you.

Getting ready for love is as simple as understanding that, if it's to be, it's up to me, and it's up to you to understand that you're making the choice.

It's up to you to get clear about what you want, and it's up to you to make what you want a reality in your life.

 Just to mention, we have a great program out there called Ready For Love Bootcamp. This is for somebody that really just wants to work on themselves first, before going out there and dating. This is crucial. In our six week program,

-Know who you are, so you can articulate it

-Get crystal clear on who is a good fit for you and have the confidence to shine in every area of your life

-Come from a place of self-love and assurance so you always put yourself first

-Believe in yourself and love again and finally be able to give the right guy a chance

-Heal the past from inside out

-Be able to hold your own in the company of a man

Once you start to do the work on yourself, and you start to realize you already have everything you need to have what you want, you will get there. Love happens when you're ready for love, and I want to leave you with that note.

To find out more go www.badboybreakthrough.com and join email list to hear about details.