Twelfman’s Eurobowl 2022 Writeup

Due to that dreaded virus, the last Eurobowl that was due to be held in Poland was sadly cancelled. This year, however, Eurobowl was back in full swing, and it was being held on the island nation of Malta.

I was to be travelling as a part of one of the Europen teams representing Wales. What is the Europen? Nothing, what’s europenning with you? Wait…

https://eurobowl.eu/2022/

For those who can’t be bothered to click (and who can blame you? We are all but grains passing through life’s limited hourglass) the Europen is the sister tournament to Eurobowl. It’s limited to one-team-per-country; in fact, you don’t even need to be a country to compete. It’s open to any group of four people who want to play together on the big stage.

Wales was taking one Eurobowl team and three Europen teams. I was captain of the perhaps unimaginatively named Team Wales Europen team, and was bringing my good ol’ boney boys: Khemri (or Tomb Kings for you whippersnappers). They are without doubt my best team, and the team I enjoy the most, so why not?

(PS: All the rosters as well as some fascinating data analysis can be found here, courtesy of Sann0638 : https://public.tableau.com/app/profile/mike.sann0638.davies/viz/Eurobowl22/Introduction)

The roster I brought was my standard 1150 roster of Two Re-rolls Fifteen Players, which is sort of insane, I admit, but I still rate it. You need warm bodies on the pitch (well, not warm exactly) with Khemri, and this is the best way to guarantee that. Fifteen players gives you an awful lot to work with. You can set up 4 TGs in reserve on Turn 8 to stop any officious ref nonsense, you can foul to your heart’s content, and if you do happen to take an absolute drubbing, you can still set up with a full eleven players. More on that later… Two rerolls is risky, sure, but if you play carefully and calmly, it’s often enough. Uh, more on that later as well.

Skill wise, I went 4x Guard Guardians (because anything else is insane), 2x Block Throw-ras (mini-blitzers, plus very helpful on defence) and for my last skills, which could either be a single and a double, or two stacked singles, I took a Tackle/Mighty Blow Blitz-ra. I couldn’t resist.

My team was Dementor, who was taking High Elves with a thick spread of Dodge. High Elves were competitive in this ruleset, and were represented widely. Orcster was bringing Slann, with a Block Kroxigor and a scatter of other skills (but no Strip Ball! Madness? Genius? Read on, dear reader…) Lastly was Fallingdownjoe with his Dark Elves, which had a bunch of Dodge Blitzers and a pair of Witches, one with Block and one with Wrestle. A reliable, steadfast roster that has the ability to do very well if coached skilfully.

My journey involved a late-night drive to Oxford, followed by a 3.30am alarm (sob) and 4am pickup from Eynsham to Gatwick for an 8am flight, which was delayed for three hours while the plane was on the tarmac. The flight itself was around three hours as well, so that was a long time sat on that plane. Oh well! Joe and I had taken our Nintendo Switches and spent most of it playing Mario Kart. If Joe says he beat me consistently and often, just know he’s a damn liar, and I was robbed.

Me winning. Ignore any further races or results.

We arrived in Malta a little miffed, very hungry but still excited. The weather was beautiful, the scenery picturesque and the hotel was fantastic. The hotel was absolutely stuffed full of Blood Bowlers of all nationalities. At first, I was a little unsure about the fact you had to buy your hotel along with your tourney ticket, thinking it seemed a big unfair to those who didnt want to stay in the hotel. Then it hit me just how well this was being run. It was when I had just finished hanging out with all these BBers in the evening, had dinner together, had breakfast the next day, then got on the bus together to arrive at the venue together. We were being well looked after, and the sense of community that was being fostered was immense. I had nothing to worry about in terms of food or transport. And, every evening, without even having to leave the hotel, I could hang out with even more Blood Bowlers until I wanted to go to bed. The organisers really pulled it out of the bag, and I applaud them for it. Well done guys. Even the event itself was run incredibly smoothly. Lunch tickets were handed out during the games, along with score cards. While entering score cards on paper seems old fashioned, the reality of it was that from where I was standing, I saw no blips or errors or bottlenecks, just good Blood Bowly fun. Saying that, there was a redraw at one point, but that’s because a particular individual who shall not be named wrote a 1 that looked like a 2. I don’t know how either.

Back to the night before…. When it came to the food, I stacked my plate high. How high? An American I was hanging out with thought it was such a big plate that he bet me a drink that I couldn’t finish it all.

An American.

Anyway, one drink up, I went to bed buzzing to be representing Team Wales on the continent in the official Europen team.

Day One

After a big breakfast we all queued up to get on the coach that picked us up from the hotel and made our way to the venue. Now, on our team, we had a fifth secret member: Gethin, the Dragon. Whoever was performing the best had to wear him. As I was captain, that meant I wore him in game one (I never wore him again…)

The venue was spacey, bright, full of life, and tingling with potential Blood Bowl victories. I took my team aside and gave them a pep talk, as was my duty, where I threatened them with actual physical violence if they didn’t win. Well, not quite. I told them that I didn’t care if they won or lost. I said if you’re going to win, win well, and if you’re going to lose, lose well. I don’t want to be sitting opposite a Spanish, Greek or Hungarian coach in the bar one year and them to remember playing against Team Wales, and remembering them being a sore loser or boorish winner. I told them to have fun, do their best, and win or lose with grace. Then we got to it. The Eurobowl had begun.

Game One : Snotling ~ LordBertoCaos (NAF Rating 159.71) || Squad: Predatori MORE POW

LordBertoCaos (Gianluca) was part of an Italian team from Florence, which was being captained by British_Dog, a lovely chap who completely wrecked me 4-0 in the World Cup. So you could say I was itching for revenge a little…

Now, I’ll play anyone with anything when I’ve got my Khemri. Amazons? Fine. Undead? No issue. Dwarves, Chorfs, Dark Elves, Orcs, you bring it I’ll play it, and feel I have a good chance of winning. Bring a stunty team however, and then I get nervous. They’re too unpredictable, and can exploit the Khemri weakesses so easily; that is, disruption, infiltration, frustration and utter chaos.

Gianluca had brought a simple roster. Two Trolls, Two Bombers with Accurate, Snotlings up to 14, Three Bribes, Three Rerolls. Oh, and Morg’n’Thorg. Ulp. This roster terrified me. Bombers can absolutely wreck Khemri, who, with the new rules, might find it hard to throw a bomb back even if they miraculously catch it. Two of them with Accurate was a recipe for destruction. So I had to spread my players out, right? Easy. Except I couldn’t, because Morg would pick ’em off, one at a time, with his MB+2 ripping me a new blow-hole. So I had to clump up, right? Except the bombers… you get the idea.

I did two practice games for this, as we knew the rosters before hand, and in both of them I got utterly steamrolled. I went in thinking if I got a draw, I’d be damn lucky.

I elected to kick, which is not what I normally do, but what my training buddy (Joe) advised I do. The first turn was quite good, actually, The bomb missed, and Morg flubbed his block. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad?

Then I got utterly blasted for six turns on the bounce, as expected! Morg was a monster. Throughout the game, he killed two Tomb Guardians and KO’d another, plus killing my Tackle Blitz-Ra and one of my Throw-Ra’s, and the combo of him and the bombs KO’d or killed a few Skeletons. There was very little I could do except laugh through the pain. At one point, when it was clear I was simply not going to stop this bloody Snotling from scoring, I decided to spend all my energy on trying to kill Morg. I swarmed him and knocked him down with my Tackle/MB guy, and rolled a 9 on the armour. So close…

So I fouled him as well. Broke armour, and rolled an 8 on the injury. So, so close!

Anyway, I got totally smooshed and he scored on turn 8. In my opponent’s defence, I was removing Snotlings whenever I hit them, and he was playing exactly right. My two Guardians regenerated (thank goodness) and my KO’d TG came back, but the others stayed off. A failed bribe for a bomber didn’t really mean much, as he had two more bribes and still two Bombers.

I was setting up with 11 still, with 0 players in reserves. Thank goodness for my deep, deep bench… I had only one Block player left, a Throw-Ra, so this game was going to get interesting.

So I set up and crossed my fingers that I could score. Morg streamrollered towards my only ball-carrying potential positional, and I tried my best to fend him off while threatening the bombers. It was not easy. The play of the game has to be one of the next two turns. I marked Morg with three players to keep him busy, but at the start of Gianluco’s turn, a laser-guided bomb took all three of them down, leaving Morg completely unharmed, and a free line to my ball carrier richer. Uh oh. My opponent decided to run a snotling over to mark my BC and make the blitz 3d, but to my relief he snake-eyes’d the GFI. Thank goodness.

I then tried to make my ball safe, which was almost impossible, but was reasonably happy. Then a bomb flew in from literally one square away and took out the ball carrier, but the ball bounced onto a TG who caught it. I saw that I had one possible avenue of escape. In a display of elfy-heroism, my Tomb Guardian charged a mighty 6 squares away and handed the ball off to a skeleton, who made a break for it. A single Snotling was the only player in range, who marked him, and my Skeleton had just to make a 3d blitz to victory… thankfully it all paid off, and I equalised in turn 15. The Throw Team-Mate failed and I wiped sweat from my eyes and thanked my lucky stars for the draw.

The team did very well this round, and we walked away with a team win. Nice!

Result: 1-1 Draw, 2-6 Cas || Team Win

It was then lunch for the Europen guys, and I had some pasta. I’m not sure what else to say about it. It was tasty, I suppose, but I wish I had had more! But then I am a glutton, so…

Game Two : Slann ~ SickAsEggs (NAF Rating 143.5) || Squad : A MASSIVE MALTA UP

(The word ‘Malta’ in the name was originally the name of a type of male clucking bird, but they were asked to change it. Boo, hiss, etc)

Slann vs Khemri is a funny one. On one hand, you have the best team in the game for cracking cages (well, second best now, after vampires… but who knows what the future brings?) against the team that is the best at making cages (or at least the team that has precisely zero other option). What’s nice with my roster is I tend to have zero Dodge (sorry, Tackle!), Sure Hands (sorry, Strip Ball!) and more Guard than you can shake a bunch of sticks at, meaning it’s very hard for Slann to jump in and wreck face. It was against Sann0638 (Slann0638, surely?) in which a last-ditch 2d uphill block sacked the ball because I didn’t have Block on my Throw-Ras, which is now why I never leave home without it.

SickAsEggs (also called Alex, which was unhelpful as we had another Alex on the team already) had a well-rounded Slann-without-Kroxigor roster, as below. A wide range of skills, including Wrestle, Guard and Kick was a scary proposition.

I received on the first drive, and if I remember right got a touchback, despite Kick, which was helpful. The new changing weather means it becomes much more likely. I did the standard Khemri thing of grinding my way up the pitch, hitting frogs and howling bloody murder. I remember Alex making very few leaps, as high-level Slann coaches will do, saving their re-rolls until the one crucial turn. Unfortunately for Alex, the Khemri Pain Train had no brakes, and his crucial leaps flopped, so I ran it in on turn 8.

Alex had no re-rolls, so I cockily set up with the standard single-line defence, leaving my TGs off on the sidelines. I then watched in horror as he set up expertly for the One Turn Touchdown, only remembering too late that, yes, Slann can do it, and if you can get the pushes right, can leap right over a single stupid line of idiot skeletons. Oh balls.

He positioned his Guard well and I can’t remember exactly but might have gotten a High Kick, but flubbed the catch. The series of blocks he made were perfect and well-engineered, and before I knew it his Catcher was in scoring range. Oh dear. Thankfully, the changes in passing hit Slann particularly hard, and even their AG2+ Catchers are passing on a measly 4+, meaning he’d need a 6+, which he did not make. Whew.

At the start of the second drive, after (I think) a Riot, Alex stormed up the pitch for an early score, and I was unable to stop him. However, that did leave me a good five turns to score back, and the removals really started happening. I think I lost a Guardian but he regenerated, but frogmen don’t have that luxury… his Wrestle and Guard pieces were gone, along with a Catcher, meaning all Alex had left was optimistic 2D uphill blocks and hoping for the best. Nuffle heard his prayers but denied him.

Weirdly, there was another Khemri on Slann game in the round, with Orcster facing the formidable Volkajo. He and I are rivals in Khemri supremacy, right next to each other in the global ratings. I did hear some terrible rumours of his Khemri making dodges and random Blitz-Ra pickups, to which I tutted and shook my head. You’d never see me doing that. Nope.

The team managed another win! We were therefore on two wins, and very happy to be so.

Result: 2-1 win, 3-2 Cas || Team Win

Game Three : Orcs ~ spob (NAF Rating 158.86) || Squad: Team Waterbowl

Steven, or spob, was playing with Team Waterbowl. They were from the UK, just like we were, which meant of course that we had to win at any cost. He was playing with Orcs. Not Black Orcs, honest-to-goodness ordinary Orcs, what with their MV5 Bigguns and their, uh, well that’s about it. Spob had taken a strong roster, with 12 players including the Goblin or cheeky one-turn-touchdown potential. A smattering of Block on the Bigguns and Guard on the Blitzers, plus a Guard troll, meant I was in for a slog-fest. He also took a Tackle Blitzer, but the best part about playing Khemri is giving your opponent a smug look when they announce they have Tackle. Then you usually lose because you’re playing Khemri. Anyhoo…

I received again, and started punching in standard Khemri style. It got a little close and cramped, but that is exactly where I want my Khemri to be. What really helped is I gave the Troll a Skeleton to hang out with, and he did, dutifully failing to achieve much other than stare this Skeleton down. This meant I had no real counter to the Khemri Beef Bus, and was able to force my way down. I also crowd-surfed a Biggun, which died, which helped. Steven later reflected that he should have used his Troll more, freeing him up an d throwing him into the melee, and I agree. I had such a deep bench that I was happy to park a Skeleton on him for the whole game if needed, every drive.

In the second half, my armour and injury dice exploded, and Orcs crumpled like soggy Elves. I killed another Biggun and a Blitzer just on random blocks, followed by the Troll, and poor Steve had no chance. Normal teams might feel guilty about murdering an Orc team using nothing but dice, but, as Pratchett said, guilt is an emotion, and for emotions you need glands. Khemri have no glands.

The team won again! I had gone into the weekend hoping that we might walk away with a positive record, but to be ending day one on THREE wins was far more than I had dreamed of. Well done team, including Joe, who was on three individual wins. Wahey!

Result: 1-0 Win, 3-2 Cas || Team Win

So ended Day One. I was on 2/1/0, which I was dead happy with, and the team was on a mighty three wins. That meant we were getting dangerously close to the top tables, and there were some very good coaches milling about…

Anyway, we all did the sensible thing then and went back to the bar to drink heavily, eat enormously, and lounge by the pool. It’s a hard life, being a Blood Bowl player…

Day Two

Game Four : Chaos Renegades ~ Dark_Duke (NAF Rating 173.19) || Squad: TBBL

This roster made me laugh when my opponent explained it to me. Can you see what the problem is?

That’s right, a Juggernaut Troll. Despite Ignatio wanting a Juggernaut Minotaur like a sensible human being, he had accidentally submitted his roster incorrectly. Like a true hero, he took it on the chin and carried on regardless, proudly declaring that his Troll had Juggernaut, big deal, you got something to say about it? Thought not. His roster otherwise had a lot of prongs to this swiss army knife of a team. Pact is always an interesting matchup. Their big guys are better but less numerous, more flexible but less reliable.

I received again (which I’m very happy with) and decided that in order to win, I had to beat up his big dudes and out-strength him. It all started so well…

I ran out of rerolls by my turn four, which happens, but it still makes things interesting. They were both on blocks, one being a 3d and one being a 2d. The actual final reroll was eaten by a Tomb Guardian hitting the Wrestle Skaven as my first block of the turn.

Now.

Just like the rest of you fine people, I have been known to say things like “I’ve never seen so many 1’s”, or “That’s the most casualties I’ve ever seen in turn one.” But. And I’m not exaggerating here. What followed was the most amount of Double Skulls I have ever seen.

It started with that Skull/Skull reroll Skull/BD. Ignatio didn’t use Wrestle (correct play) and I had a turnover. He moved a few guys around, realised he couldn’t break though my wall of dudes, then ended turn. I thought about it, stood up my Tomb Guardian, threw another, three die this time, block, and Double Skull/BD. Ignatio did a bit more blocking, but still couldn’t break though. I didn’t even stand a guy up, but blocked with a Block piece this time. Guess what? Double skull. I actually starting taking photos this time. It started to get bad. I had an Orc and a Skaven next to my ball carrier. I tried to free him up, and guess what… Double skull. Oof.

You can watch it in real time over twitter…