Loneliness II

Well, first of all loneliness is a subjective and individual experience, meaning that if you feel lonely, you are lonely. But as I said it in the last podcast it is not that bad. Hunger, for instance, is not a bad thing. When you feel hungry, you eat. When you are lonely, your biology calls out for social interaction. Now, if you don’t eat when hungry, you’ll become weak, your body won’t receive enough nutrients; not enough nutrients means slow death, your face will grow pale, and should I go on? Naaah, I think you get the picture. Now if your loneliness brings you on the verge of total social isolation, you’re probably not aware of the catastrophic damage you’re doing to yourself. 

I said what I said because it’s important to comprehend that regardless of the impact that our surroundings might have, feeling lonely is inescapable for all of us. However, we may, just like with anything else, make mistakes about where it can have come from. A lot of people started their responses with, in this modern world… and god knows what came next wasn’t that favorable. But how different can the two worlds have been? Let’s start with transportation. If it hadn’t been for the modern world and the advent of modern technology people would have to ride on donkeys, camels, and horses to get around, it would take them weeks, worse yet, months for them to get to their destinations, not to mention the many nights they had to spend in deserts and jungles exposed to many threats and dangers of the world. If they made it through the perilous jungle trek and survived bandits’ attacks, god knows what lonely thoughts crossed their minds… today, though, it is only a matter of hours, 1 day or 2 tops to get from one side of the globe to the other. On the plane, you can enjoy a casual conversation with the hot guy/ or lady next to you, probably meet your future life partner, and who knows maybe a candidate for your trip to shomal next month just to get you out of your lonely world whereas with the old ways the bite of a snake would be your best bet. Honestly, technology allows you to meet a lot of new and interesting people, whereas in the old world, the maximum number of people one could meet didn’t exceed 150 or so.  

Not so long ago, people didn’t have telephones. I remember we had a neighbor; she was relatively less poor than the rest of us, and she had a telephone. she allowed the household of 4 families into her house to use the phone. But, god, I could see it in their eyes they didn’t want to be there and she didn’t, either, but they just had to. Because, I remember that the phones rang for a reason, like we had to be worried. I mean we considered the actual possibility of someone being murdered, when the phone rang, because why would anyone call you when they knew it would be so much work. By the same token, I also know how difficult it must have been for the caller to have gained access to a telephone to call. But now, it’s all different. We don’t have to go through any of that. I think with phones established as a new means of communication we have much less to worry about when it comes to loneliness. If you feel just a tiny bit lonely, all you have to do is take your phone, and write a few irrelevant letters next to each other to someone, at least one guy would answer back, if not, then that’s it for you. If of all your contacts, no one wants to know what you meant, then, you can go ahead and pull the trigger.

The insatiable hunger to expand our network of friends and acquaintances does not end here. Social media came along and human beings found more ways to connect with each other. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, all claiming to help us stay connected. One through written text, one through pictures, some through both. As soon as we begin to feel a little lonely there is much to see to get us out of the gloomy mood. Mr. Zuckerberg has made sure that we go to sleep only after we have taken a final look at our direct messages on our Instagram accounts! No, sir! We are not lonely like we used to be anymore, in my opinion, of course.  

Our obsession to succeed and grow our circle of acquaintances is beginning to follow a neurotic trend. And I think it’s because we always want to stay in the comfort zone of not having to deal with ourselves and having society’s approval lest we be lonely. True, loneliness is a feeling that longs for the company of others, and it is most definitely sad, but sometimes it’s okay to feel a little down. Sadness is also a feeling, and if it is there, there is a lot of good that it can do. I know we have a tremendous amount of sadness as is, but this is a different kind of sad. It is us being alone with our thoughts and questions. Why not give ourselves some time with the inner us. Sadness is a feeling so powerful that many great works of art, symphonies, songs, and movies have come out of it. You see the type of people who produce these things may have been or may be lonely but their need for company came true on a universal and far more profound scale. being stuck in the lonely world for too long has its consequences, no doubt about it, but don’t you feel it. sometimes we fear ourselves too much to want to be alone with ourselves for more than a few seconds. How do we know? Maybe, the cup of coffee I have with myself in my room, all alone, will spark a life-changing idea in my mind. 

Speaking of a life-altering idea reminded me of how the coronavirus has altered our lives. It’s there, and it’s having fun. Anyway, some people said that the coronavirus also has made them lonelier but I really don’t know how true that is? I mean, I know that for the past 5 years or so, I’ve been hanging out with the same people more or less. Well, the frequency at which I see them has decreased, and I’m a bit more careful around them but it hasn’t been all that bad. I see them less, but social media makes up for the loss. Honestly, if it weren’t for social media, I would never be able to have video calls with my friends from a far side of the world. What I’m saying is that the half full and the half empty of the glass are both there, and have always stayed relatively the same. I mean sure we don’t have as much freedom in our in-person communications, but we are still connected, and can have a further reach. 

Well, there’s something that is undeniable though, you know? As I said, feeling lonely is a subjective thing. If you feel lonely, then you are lonely. In addition, what’s interesting about loneliness is that it is contagious. If the majority of people around you feel lonely, you will feel lonely. if everyone is lost in their lonely worlds, few people will try to reach out and fewer people will be willing to accept their calls for company - Well, that is true as long as loneliness is the overwhelming mood you experience throughout your days. Well, after all is said and done, I’m confident that I don’t feel any lonelier than before, but I’m sure the way we feel lonely has changed. I sometimes feel that my face among the many faces in social media is lost, but if we all are lonely and lost, we will hopefully meet each other halfway.