BR 02: Be Your Bold Self...

Hi everyone! This is Connie Sokol, and you're listening to Balance Redefined Radio. I've spent over 20 years teaching people how to redefine what balance really is, meaning a more purposeful and joyful life.

They’ve paid off credit cards, lost weight, organize their homes, and created a meaningful life plan and they've managed their time, changed habits and experience greater success both at work and at home.

So now I decided to take the plunge and help about 100,000 new people who want to redefine balance in their lives. People ask me all the time, “How do I go from an overwhelming and chaotic life to more purpose and organization and joy?”

That's the reason why I'm doing this podcast, to give you trusted answers and create a space where you could find balance. My name is Connie Sokol and welcome to Balance Redefined Radio…

Welcome back for another wonderful podcast. Today I'm talking about be your bold self. What comes to mind when I say that? Is there an experience you've had recently where you were either needing to be your bold self and you weren't or you were, and how did that feel for you?

I'm finding as I'm going through some different changes in life shifts that this is coming up often that I have got to be what I call my “bold self,” and it's this part of me that I know is confident and has it and can kick it and yet it gets kind of shoved to the side or pushed behind something else that weak, kind of more insecure self that says, “But I don't know, but I don't know. It looks really scary…”

So have you had that experience? I just want to share a couple of stories and just kind of how I went about it and maybe this will give you some ideas of what to do in your own life when you come up against something where you need to be your bold self.

The first area is in having a difficult conversation. Have you had that experience recently?

If not, just get ready because it's coming. Difficult conversations are just a part of our lives and for me, I feel that there's this sort of two sides of the coin of this wonderful opportunity to be my courageous best self and as Renee Brown says, “Courage and vulnerability: they go together hand in hand.”

So when we're vulnerable, we're being our most courageous and that means we're being our most bolt self. So no wonder we feel some trepidation before we are bold cells because it is such a vulnerability exercise.

We really are opening up ourselves, kind of a raw soul and being able to express an opinion or a thought or an idea or even something that we have to do that's in a stewardship position that we have and we need to fulfill it.

We need to have somebody kind of correct their behavior, give them critical feedback that they're not going to like, whatever it might be…

So I just had one this morning with one of my assistants and we were doing a zoom meeting call and I brought up one point and I could feel some kind of resistance and some kind of negativity and then I just went on about it and she responded and then I went to the next point and I could feel it again.

And now at this point when you are having a difficult conversation and you're wanting to be your bold self, you have a choice...

Either you're going to acknowledge this, what you're noticing, the shift in the conversation or the mood of the other person or whatever it is... it's kind of interfering with the conversation.

You have the choice of whether you're going to address it or you're going to ignore it and both of them can be bold choices...

It just depends on the situation. But for me at that time, the feeling, I call it a “hit” and I got this hit that it was, Connie, you've got to address this because we're not going to get anywhere in this meeting. We're going to go through these ticky tack things, and we're not going to get anywhere. And I love this woman.

She's wonderful, but I could tell something was amiss and instead of just power plowing through the list of things that needed to be done, I paused and I said, “How are you today? I'm getting the feeling that you're just not yourself today. There's just kind of this feeling that I'm getting off of you.”

That's a negative. I'm just wondering, “What's going on? Is there something I need to know?” And it was amazing to feel and see the shift because she immediately, because she's so good, she immediately acknowledged that that was true.

And then she sort of had this immediate processing of realizing, “You know, what? I know why.” And she kinda shifted through why. And then I got to share, “You know, what I've noticed is this kind of aspect that's come up because of some of the different shifts that we're making in the business. Is that something that resonates?” And she agreed and added onto that.

So here we had this beautiful emotionally intelligent conversation, which was fantastic, and we were able to move beyond this sort of wall and barrier that you kind of come up against.

We were able to go to the next phase, and this was a an emotionally intelligent phase where we're able to move to this upper level in our conversation where now the mood, the feeling, the energy was aligned and now we could get a whole bunch done.

We had great creative content that we added to this conversation between each other and we both left feeling wonderful...

Later on I just gave her a little text to say, “Hey, thank you so much. Appreciate that conversation in our being able to be kindly candid,” and she had already sent a thing in a different medium that said that same thing, “Beautiful experience.”

I would have missed that and there would have been this leftover wondering feeling, knowing, resentment, frustration. “Hey, how come she can't get on board? Hey, why can't my boss really feel what's going on?” And B, understand what's happening.

There could have been the seeds of contention that could have been sewn, but they weren't because we were able, I was able to choose to be my bolts self and we were able to continue with that and she chose to be herbold self and we were able to have that connection. So my. My thought for you on that is when you feel that choice, it's a switch point and you feel this fork in the road.

“Do I do it? Do I not?” I encourage you to choose the bold choice and sometimes, as I said, that's being quiet...

Sometimes it's saying acknowledging it and saying, “Hey, there's an elephant in the room.”

Sometimes it's one or the other about whatever that is your soul knows.

So listen, listen to your soul, and then take that second, that second and a half to say that mental prayer or whatever your divine influence might be a pause of meditative moment to say, “Hang on one second.”

Search your soul and then decide what that needs to be. And it can create that pivotal point, that crucial conversation that can help things to move forward.

So that first example of being your bold self is in having that difficult conversation. The second thing that I've experienced recently with this is doing what I know is best. Even if a professional is telling me differently, this is a really fine line to walk because the reason why we hire professionals is because they have more experience.

They usually have a bigger, more expertise team. They usually have more resources at their disposal and so that's why we hire them. They've got more of all of this that they can bring to the table. And what I have found is that in a particular experience I had recently, I came into it feeling pretty much a novice in some key areas and really was looking for their expertise.

And yet as we were talking, meeting after meeting, I found that on the positive side, the conversations were helping me to clear out some questions and some clarifying that I needed to do.

But I was also finding that I was ending up having the solutions a lot of the times or that I was creating more of the clarity really that I was getting it from them. Now I want to be clear here what I had asked them to do.

They were sort of adding on some different aspects that weren't really there particular forte, but they added them on and so I knew that I was coming to them and we were experiencing these sort of decisions we were making, that it wasn't really their ultimate forte, but still it was part of their sort of bandwidth that they could do.

That being said, it was wonderful knowledge for me. It started to grow within my soul. Have you felt that where you start getting this confidence within yourself because shockingly you realize you know more than you realize and you know enough to be able to have that conversation at that table and even be able to teach something about what's going on?

Then there comes the point where decisions need to be made and you have to decide is the knowledge that I realized that I have and that I've gained enough to help me make this decision wisely that I'm facing right now, or do I defer to those experts in that expert team even though my guts kind of cringing and saying, “ I don't think so…”

I think there's something awry here or it's not aligning and I really think I need to go with a different choice. That's something I would rather do. I don't know if you've been in that space, but it's a really hard place because you're paying for this wisdom and yet your soul's kind of going, wait a second. This isn't aligning.

Is it because you're too new at this? Is it because of pride? Is it because something really isn't, isn't jiving, and I came to a final place of I know something isn't sitting right and I don't know what the answer is, but I'm open to it and so I started praying for a solution.

You know, I'm a praying woman, praying for a solution, and then kind of doing some different spiritual practices that would help me be in that aligned space and sure as shit you wouldn't believe, but within a week of doing this particular spiritual practice that would help me kind of get a little more cleared out, I was able to meet two people that helped me know that I needed to make the decision that was in my soul and what was stopping me from that is that I didn't know about how to do it and neither did these other folks that I was talking with…

But these two people did and then I was able to align with them and what I did is kind of put that other original team kind of on hold until I needed their expertise while I filled this gap with these other two people...

Now, that might seem a little bit confusing because I'm explaining that, but I'm sure you've had business situations where that's what has happened. Where you're kind of putting together a puzzle and you're fitly framing this puzzle. You're being able to say, “This piece works and this piece works, but this piece doesn't fit and I'm not sure why it should, but it doesn't. So do we saw pieces off or do we bring in a whole new piece? Or do we look at it from a whole different perspective?”

That's what I was having to do. So in those moments, I encourage you to get really clear, do a spiritual or a personal practice that will help you get as aligned to your divine influences that you can be and get as clear in your mind and your soul as you can so that you can hear and see and feel and meet whatever it is that is the solution and that's exactly what happened.

So that's part of being your bold self is when you have to go against that grain and then that always involves a difficult conversation that helps you to be able to move forward and say, “You know what? I get this. It's okay. It's in my soul and I know that it's right. Even if it doesn't make sense on paper, even if everything doesn't look like it's bitly framing exactly right now, it sits right even if I don't know exactly how that's going to flow.”

So that's a great example of the going-against-what-those-professionals-may-be-telling-you and really going with what-you-feel-sits-right...

The third one is keep your core. That's your core values, and this can be tough, especially in business situations. There's a lot of pressure. Sometimes you're representing a company or you're representing your own company or you're just starting a small company.

Maybe you're going into the PTA and you're having to make a principal or a proposal that you're having to stand up for and you're having to do it and try to convince others that this is a great way to do it. It may be in a volunteer organization for your local food chapter. Whatever it is.

We all get in those situations where we're doing something that we know is right in our soul and then we come up against a challenge to our core value and that's what I had recently.

I was putting out this particular course, and I was doing the verbiage for it and Oh! I just thought “I really need to be able to use terms that are, are genuine for me. I need to talk about God, I need to talk about prayer like I'm doing here. I need to talk about some specific principles of scripture and some other things that I know work and I can show and share how they work, and I even have things to back that up and yet I was worried about how that may be taken mainstream.”

As I was talking with my systems manager, she said, “You be, you, you, you, so whatever that is, keep to your core values and be you…”

And I thought you're exactly right. I've done this for 20 years, over 20 years, and why should I stop now? Just because I'm getting into other realms and more upleveled areas.

Why do I need to shift that? I don't. Why do I need to soften that? I don't know.

I don't need to be aggressive in all hands out there and like, you know, snap in the fingers and all that of, okay, this is how this is and word up, nothing like that, but I do need to stand fast in those core values that make me me and that attract my tribe and the people that are interested in the content and the feel and the energy behind what it is that I do.

So that was a great lesson to me and I did that over and over, even down to details of I don't work on Sunday and I really encourage and appreciate people that I hire that they don't work on Sunday either.

No, I'm not here to dictate their personal values, but I have noticed that I am drawn to those people who keep those values and some people who have a sabbath. It's on a Saturday, whatever that is to them.

I really respect and value this eternal principle of rest because quite frankly, that's part of the creative process...

Not just the divine creation which I can go to because of seven days, but it was six days of creation and the seventh day was of rest, but it has all seven days of creation, so rest is a fundamental part of that and it's resting your business brain and your “go go” brain and your mama brain and being able to turn it to a divine focus and be able to truly rest your mind, body, and soul, so it is.

It becomes this feeling and this wellspring for you to draw from through the rest of the week and that's huge to me because if I want to be on my “A” game and bring that, I need the people who work for me to do the same thing so that we're in alignment. If they've had a day of rest, we are more likely to be aligned and that day of rest means connection with the divine, with their family, with their neighbors.

This is so restorative. It truly, it sharpens the saw. It fills the well. All of those cliches. It does all of those things and it's just in one day and yes, there's times where one more cliche, one more from the scriptures. The ox is in the mire.

Yes, there are times every now and then that something has happened and it needs to be addressed, but that is so rare and so these are values that if I hold fast to them because they're genuine for me.

I'm not trying to make other people have them, but they agree to them to then I feel like I'm able to sustain what I do in a way that is sustainable and it's genuine and authentic for me and for those that are with me in this...

So those are just some thoughts. I want you to know that as your bold self, you'll continue to have more and more experiences to expose that and develop that and feel joy in that.

And I've even had some moments where it's been a real life manifestation of that...

I remember watching this movie, watching this movie, Beatrix Potter. I don't know if you've seen it at all, but it is a fantastic movie. It's Renee Zellweger and she's kind of portraying Beatrix Potter if you know the author best selling children's author of all time.

She does all the artwork with all the animals and the Peter Rabbit.

Anyway,  it's this movie depicting that, and it's fantastic, and she's at this one place where, you know, in that day and age women, if they especially, they were single, then they had no life. They went to tea parties and they didn't do anything. They certainly didn't write books and publish them, and they didn't go and create businesses and things like that-not in that  day and age.

So she decides to do these, these books, this artwork and then write these books, these children's books and she has to fight against all of these social policies and perceptions again and again and again.

And finally, she is at her printers, and I watched the scene where she's at the printer, and this is her book and it's her illustrations, and her artwork is so important that she gets it. Right now.

My attendance over the years as a recovering people pleaser is that I wanted to just not make it a stress for anyone, just not make it too, too annoying. Take too much time. Not be, you know, a stress just, “Okay, that works. It'll be okay.” And I'm learning some things I'm, you know, a B+ or, but some things require an A and that's just how it is.

And she knew that so she has the printer go ahead and ink up a page, a sample page. This is like in the old time, so it takes a long time. So he’s inking up the page and he takes it off the hand press and shows her, and she says, “No, the colors just aren't quite right.”

Then has an ink it up again and by this time I'm thinking in my mind I'm thinking, “Oh, I'm sure it's good enough.” So she puts it out, they put it out again and she looks at it. She's like, “Not quite,” and I'm thinking in my mind by now I'd be like, “Yeah, yeah, it's fine. It's good. Just let it roll.” But she has it do it.

This is of course just the depiction, but the third time is a charm and she gets it just right and you see the actual change. You see the first and second ones were not right. And the third one was satisfying to your soul. And I hadn't experienced my thought. I want to be like that. I'm going to be like that-going to be my bold self.

I've written several books, 17 right now and I've done this sort of a, “Oh, it's good enough because I've just had to jam in and jam out with raising my seven children.”

And then I did a book last fall, What Now? Eight Ways to Deal With Life's Difficulties, and I found myself in the back of the printing company and it's of course all modern updated. But I'm standing there, and I'm choosing my colors, and I'm choosing the gloss or not gloss, and I'm choosing all these things that I'm standing there, and I find myself saying those same things, “That's not quite right.” And I stand there, and I get it done, and get it the weight that I wanted it. And when that cover came off, it was just what I wanted and it was so satisfying.

Every time I look at that cover, it's so satisfying to me...

So that's just a little blurb and a little encouragement for you this week to day, whatever circumstance you face, be your bold self. Have that difficult conversation. Go with what sits right despite what a professional is telling you, and keep your core values. Keep those core things that matter most to you, and you'll be amazed at how that domino effects out into other people's lives.

You got it. Thanks for listening and remember to rate and subscribe. And if you are feeling the need for real balance in your life, get your free five step life plan, and get started today! Just go to conniesokol.com/download.