BR 33: Simplify & Savor The Season With A 3 Step Plan!...

Hi everyone! This is Connie Sokol, and you're listening to Balance Redefined Radio. I've spent over 20 years teaching people how to redefine what balance really is, meaning a more purposeful and joyful life.

They’ve paid off credit cards, lost weight, organize their homes, and created a meaningful life plan and they've managed their time, changed habits and experience greater success both at work and at home.

So now I decided to take the plunge and help about 100,000 new people who want to redefine balance in their lives. People ask me all the time, “How do I go from an overwhelming and chaotic life to more purpose and organization and joy?”

That's the reason why I'm doing this podcast, to give you trusted answers and create a space where you could find balance. My name is Connie Sokol and welcome to Balance Redefined Radio…

[00:00] Welcome back to Balance Redefined!

[00:03] This is Connie Sokol! I'm so happy that you are back for some more great stuff. We're talking about simplifying and savoring the season. That's right.

[00:12] You can actually do both of those and enjoy the holiday season and that's the whole plan...

[00:17] As you recall, I've mentioned that years ago I started shifting the way that I was doing the holiday season because I do not get panic attacks, but I had a panic attack one year at the thought of the holiday season coming...

[00:32] Now, yes, I have seven children, and yes I have a son that has aspergers and kids with ADHD, ADD, and anxiety. So yeah, you get the picture...

[00:40] So holidays were not that joyful season that you might've thought that it might be.

[00:44] So the problem for me is trying to find a way to simplify it and savor it as the same time as I actually do the things that a mom does, all the background of the "Christmas show" as I call it, but really it ends up being the "Mom show."

[01:01] That is not what we want.

[01:03] The family enjoys Christmas, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and New Years, then the family needs to help make that happen.

[01:10] Now, yeah I get that you have different ages of children at different times, but the bottom line is too much gets put on one person, the mom, and then she feels all this responsibility to make it a joyful, wonderful experience for everybody involved, which is not possible.

[01:27] That's not gonna happen...

[01:28] So every year we have these high expectations of ourselves and other people put them on us, then we accept those, and then they will not be met.

[01:36] So the holidays become extremely stressful except for this year. Not going to be stressful.

[01:42] No, no, no, because you're going to do a simplify and savor the season plan - super, super slick. Now if you want the full on version, you can get my book simplify and savor the season on Amazon.

[01:51] I have to tell you, it's fabulous. In fact, I reread it last year, and I went, "wow, I love this." I actually do everything that I talk about in the book. So I actually don't need to read the book anymore because I do it in my life, but I love, love, love these things.

[02:04] So I'm going to give you, not the fire hose, but just a little bit so that you'll do it and enjoy it. But there's much more in the book if you want to check that out.

[02:12] Plus, it has a companion holiday planner so you can put all your plans, all the things I asked you to do all in one place...

[02:18] Super Slick, very simple, but you tote it in your purse so that you know what gifts you were getting. You know what you needed to buy for the meal. You know how you wanted to go about that donation.

[02:28] So just a little FYI for you that that's another resource...

[02:33] Okay, so let's clarify first...

[02:36] The very first thing I want you to do is write down everyone involved in your holiday season. So if it's you, your spouse, or your partner or it's you, your spouse and children or just you and your children, whomever it is, you want to get clear with yourself first and then with them about the holiday plan.

[02:54] Do not just do it in private and then expect everyone to just fill in the gaps. That's not going to work. They will not do what I call the "buy in."

[03:02] You want to get the "buy in." So the very first thing you want to do is have a beautiful idea for yourself.

[03:10] What are your two main categories of things you want to do for your holiday plan? And the two main categories are the "untouchables" and the "enjoyables."

[03:21] Figuring out the untouchables and the enjoyables is the first step in your book for overall holiday planning.

[03:35] I follow an acronym of PADE in my book.

[03:35] So the very first one is p for plan...

[03:38] So you're going to do this plan and the first step of the plan is you're going to identify the things that you want to do, the activities, the events, the experiences that are most important for you and your family and the people involved directly in your life in this holiday season.

[03:53] You will be amazed and shocked at how often your idea is just different than their idea. You can save yourself a great deal of stress and energy by figuring this out at the very beginning.

[04:06] So every year I have our little family meeting, which we just had a little family planning night...

[04:12] It's very sweet, very simple, very short. Don't drag it on forever.

[04:17] We talk about these two things-the untouchables and the enjoyables.

[04:20] We ask ourselves what are the things that we must do in our Holiday?

[04:30] For us we must do aunt Martha's fruitcake. It has to happen. It doesn't matter what else happens. A freak tornado could happen and we still have to have it.

[04:37] So for us it may be that we read the nativity, that we do neighbor gifts...

[04:43] We do this thing in our community, it's called "Festival of Lights," and we go drive through it and it's the cheesiest thing you've ever seen. Throwback to the 19 fifties, but we love it. We get cocoa from the neighboring, you know, gas station and we drive through, we put the windows down, we sing carols, and it's really annoying.

[05:00] And the children that are teenagers say, "Are we done with this yet?" And I say, "Never, never, never, never." So it's an untouchable.

[05:06] Okay, so what are your untouchables?...

[05:09] You want to have about five to seven of them.

[05:10] Then you can go to the enjoyables.Those are the things that you would like to do. You really enjoy doing, but doesn't mean you absolutely necessarily have to have it. So for example, an enjoyable may be singing in the Messiah and you really, really enjoy that, but it doesn't mean it's an untouchable that you absolutely, positively must do it.

[05:33] Consider what that is for you.

[05:34] For us, it's making the gingerbread houses, or we do this thing called the "ugly Christmas boot," and we go and we fill a boot with fun things for our family, but we get the tackiest boot that there is.

[05:47] There are a few out there...

[05:48] This is kind of like our version of the ugliest Christmas sweater but imagine a boot that you can fill with goodies and then we put money in an envelope and things like and then just put it on a doorstep and then we doorbell ditch people.

[05:59] It's just so fun. It's really, really fun. So think about those things...

[06:02] What are your five to seven untouchables and enjoyable's? Okay?

[06:08] Now you're going to want to go through your categories and say, "Okay, what kind of categories do we have in these untouchables and enjoyables?"

[06:14] Now that we just got that kind of buy-in and this is something you're going to do on the back end because nobody else cares about this, but you do because you're going to be organizing the show, right?

[06:22] So you want to have them in categories like decorations, food gifts, travel activities, those kinds of things that you can look clearly in your, your categories.

[06:33] And if you have the planner, go ahead and use that because it breaks it out into those categories. And then you make your list and you say, "Oh, food, I know that we need this kind of thing for the Thanksgiving meal and for decorations, we need to have those little poppers."

[06:44] We like doing the poppers that are British and you just pull on their firecracker things and you pull on them. They have little gifts inside. We love those. So you know, that's part of our decor. So you can write down under those categories what are the things that really need to happen?

[07:01] And you can just take those untouchables and enjoyables and plug them into the decor, food, gifts, travel activities lists.

[07:10] The second letter is abbreviate. So remember PADE? A is for abbreviate. That means you're going to simplify.

[07:19] You're gonna look at the untouchables and the enjoyables, and you're thinking, "Oh my word, where are we going to get time to do all this?"

[07:28] But that's okay because you are going to have time to do it. I love in how the Grinch Stole Christmas...It just cracks me up when we're trying to look at what we can cut out....

[07:38] I love how he says, "The nerve of those Who's inviting me down there on such short notice. Even if I wanted to go, my schedule wouldn't allow it. Four o'clock wallow in self pity. 4:30 stare into the abyss. Five o'clock, solve world hunger. Tell no one. 5:30 jazzercise, 6:30 dinner with me. I can't cancel that again. Seven o'clock wrestle with myself loathing... I'm booked!"

[08:02] I'm booked. So I love that idea of us looking at our schedule and saying, "I just can't cancel anything. I can abbreviate anything. I can shorten anything. We have to have all of these things..."

[08:11] I would encourage you to think openly. This is one Christmas out of, god-willing, many, many, many, many...

[08:18] So we can put the hammer down and say, "We can do it differently."

[08:23] So for example, to simplify, I love this quote from Carolyn J. Erasmus. She says in her book, Simplify to Simplify, that we need enhance our ability to focus on things that really matter, to deliberately choose our priorities and to refuse to let unimportant things take over the things of real importance.

[08:44] So look at your untouchables and enjoyables. Take a deep breath. You're thinking, "Oh my gosh, this is 10 to 14 things on top of regular life."

[08:52] That's okay. So you're going to look at that thing that's important to you. So let's look at an untouchable. May it's, "Read the nativity."

[08:52] Okay, so how can you abbreviate that? Well, years ago I'd have the kids act out the activity, right? But how could you abbreviate that? You can go and get ready made costumes, right? Or you can just do a little symbolic costume. You get a dish towel and a headband and there you go. Okay. The shepherd has got his little shepherd's hat thing and it's good. It doesn't have to look pinterest so you can shorten it.

[09:25] Now my family has gone to the place where we don't act it any anymore. We just read it out and I've even gone through and taken out the highlight scriptures and put it on one sheet so we can really skip right to the meat of it and really focus on it instead of fumbling through. So again, abbreviating means you're shortening those things.

[09:43] So maybe on an enjoyable like gingerbread houses...

[09:45] We love to do that. Well, love being kind of a strong word. It got to where I couldn't stand it. It meant frosting everywhere, but except on the gingerbread house. Have you ever done that before? That stuff is so sticky. It's like tar, but it will not stick from the roof to the house. I don't know what to tell you, but anyway...

[10:07] This activity got to be this horrible experience that I dread it because it was a nightmare cleaning it up. Even trying to have people help us do that. So I simplified it.

[10:16] One year I found these little mini gingerbread houses and they were so easy. One person for gingerbread house, no fussing, no fighting, and they put it on and it looks really cute and it took us maybe 15, 20 minutes and then 45 minutes, maybe 40 minutes, in total in the cleaning up.

[10:32] And then we watched a Christmas show together. I mean it was the bomb!

[10:36] This year, I did Ninjabread Men. That's right. We did Ninjabread Men. We love the book, the Ninjabread Man. When I was walking through Walmart I saw these Ninjabread kits and it was so fun.

[10:51] So we went ahead and made them and it was hysterical. There was a little more work on the mixing and the doing just a heads up but it was so, so cute. And so fun.

[10:59] So anyway, that is abbreviating. We just did Ninjabread men from a kit and did it so that we had fun with friends and it worked great.

[11:09] Okay. So that's abbreviate then we're onto delegate. Delegate means you have someone else take care of anything and everything that can be taken care of by someone else. So for example, I love Christmas lights for years, probably 25 years, we did not have Christmas lights on the outside of our house and this last year I got Christmas lights. I asked the cute little neighborhood boy who was trying to earn money for his church mission and said, "Hey dude, come and put them up at our house."

[11:41] And he did and it was slick. I just had him put them up last week and it is a thing of joy and beauty to have somebody else put them up and have some cute neighborhood boy, teenage boy or girl that needs to earn the money.

[11:56] Just have them come over and put them up for you. It's they're earning money and you're not breaking your back and risking life and limb perfect.

[12:05] So anything you can delegate, do it...

[12:07] I used to decorate the Christmas tree and then I got wise and let the kids decorate the Christmas tree. Now if you're kind of pinterest thing and you're like, "well, I don't want that mess in the front," then have two trees.

[12:19] Have a kid tree and then have a very nice decorated tree, but let the kids go to it and just let them put up all those popsicle stick kind of ornaments and it's so, so fun to have them do it while you sit on the couch with a cup of cocoa.

[12:31] "Yeah, try putting another one over there. Looks wonderful." That's what you want to be doing. That's delegating.

[12:39] Another aspect of delegating and you can kind of mix it with the abbreviating is specifically on the gift giving. That is probably one of the biggest stresses that when I talked to women that they have in simplifying and savoring the season, so I would encourage you to delegate the gift giving.

[12:56] It is a little bit of delegating and a little bit of abbreviating together. I would encourage you to do some things like memory makers.

[13:03] Years ago we started doing alternating years of gifts for our children and then a trip to make a memory. So for me, the trip is so much easier because I have someone that I delegate some of those details to that helps me, my travel agent, and so she helps me get those details taken care of that I would miss or that she knows how to do better, then I am free to spend my time focused on the kids and the things that we do together.

[13:32] So it's a beautiful abbreviation and delegation that brings more simplify and savor. We have had some of the most wonderful family trips together. Absolute memory makers. We were just talking the other day about our trip to Hawaii last year.

[13:47] That was just an incredible memory maker together start to finish of being able to clear out a really difficult experience in our lives and then be able to start fresh and have it be this new step to a new life. It was truly a cocooning memory, making experience that is never to be forgotten.

[14:04] We still talk about it, but it could be anything. We've done sledding at a cabin just nearby. We've done tennis down in a place that's four hours away from here where it's sunny for Christmas. We've done a variety of things.

[14:16] We body surfed in San Diego. We've done just a variety of trips, but they've all been wonderful memory makers. I love that over the gifts.

[14:24] They won't remember much of the gifts, but they remember the trips. The other option is to do donations and I love doing donations. I know I have friends who have gone to different places like builders without borders.

[14:35] We just got back from our trip to the orphanage in Mexico, a Child's Hope Foundation. That was incredible. We absolutely loved that experience that we kind of did a little pre Christmas early for doing that, but we love doing donations and we love being able to choose a charity that we can get behind.

[14:53] We know that it's worthy and good and then we send out a card to our family members and our friends and say, "Hey, in lieu of a gift to you, we have donated for you in your behalf to this charity," and then maybe we'll send them like a little thing box of local nuts or fruit or honey to go with that, so it's just a great way to do it and makes gift giving super simple.

[15:13] This year when we went down to the orphanage, on our first stop, we stopped at a little cute store thing and totally bought them out of Mexican Vanilla that is so, so, so good. Guess what people are getting this year for Christmas? That's right. Neighbors are getting little cute Mexican vanilla with a bit of jute and things tied to it with a little merry Christmas. Christmas gifts done. Meaningful? Yes. Enjoyable? Totally so absolutely fabulous. Way to abbreviate and delegate.

[15:43] And the last thing, of course, is the e for eliminate. What things can you eliminate that are not working for you? Let go of the holiday guilt for the love. It is just self inflicted. You have the right to stand up and say, "Not this year," with a loving face, kind cander, "Ah, I'd love to, but not this year, but maybe next year."

[16:08] That's a great phrase to pull out and pull out often...

[16:10] So maybe next year you're going to do the usual overdoing, but not this year. What can you eliminate from your schedule? For example, years ago we used to do the 12 days of Christmas about put me under in such a grinch mood, so I stopped doing the 12 days of Christmas. Instead I replaced it with 12 days of the savior where I just did my little Connie chats.

[16:33] I shared a thought for three to five minutes every day of December for 12 days because I wanted to do instead of the 12 days of Christmas, the 12 days of the savior, and it worked perfectly for me.

[16:43] It kept me focused on the savior and made me a happy Mama. Three to five minutes of thoughts were in my mind and soul...

[16:49] Anyway, you can get those on my youtube channel at Connie Sokol if you want to check those out from years before and I'll be doing them again this year.

[16:57] So I also stopped doing a yearly newsletter.

[17:01] I love to do it when they were young and then it got to a place that I just didn't enjoy it anymore. Most of the people that I wanted to share my news with, I was already connected with on social media and then others already knew my general scoops from social media as well.

[17:14] So the people who are super close to me, my core core friends that I talk about, core casual, connected those core friends I was already meeting, going to lunch with and talking with them on a general basis anyway, so it made sense for me to just not do a newsletter now. Am I grateful I did those? Absolutely.

[17:32] I go back through those and it's like a family history and it's wonderful. So this is not about "don't do a newsletter," but for me it didn't bring the joy and it didn't make me enjoy the season, and so it really wasn't giving a great benefit to others.

[17:45] So I said, "I'm just going to eliminate that." Alright?

[17:48] So hopefully gotten some good ideas what I've just shared with you because simplifying and saving the savoring the season is actually pretty easy. It's just us, especially as women, making sure we follow through on this, that we actually have a plan and then we abbreviate it.

[18:05] We delegate what we can eliminate, what needs to be and then we savor what is so important. So I so invite, encourage and plead with you to get this information.

[18:16] Go on my youtube channel and get my simplify and savor the season videos. I've got a bunch of them. Get my coffee chats of 12 days with the savior.

[18:23] Get my book on Amazon that's got the planner stuff in there and the questions to ask so that you can do it fast. And that’s Simplify and Savor the Season on Amazon.

[18:31] You can go on my website, conniesokol.com And find what you need, or you can just do the planner that's also available on Amazon.

[18:38] You can do the little total long planner so you have all your information right there in your purse. You can't beat it. I promise you. Promise you. This changed my life. It's changed other women's lives.

[18:49] It changed my life because I started enjoying the season this year. I can tell you honestly, I've had the hardest time trying not to do anything before Thanksgiving and I'm always no Christmas before Thanksgiving because Thanksgiving is an amazing holiday that it needs that respect all its own.

[19:05] But I have to tell you this year it's been so hard not to start because I've simplified it so much. It's such a joy. So simplify and savor the season and enjoy your holidays for more.

[19:16] Stay tuned and if you have any questions as usual, email me at me@conniesokol.com or on my website, conniesokol.com and connect with me there or on any social media. Enjoy and enjoy the holidays.

You got it. Thanks for listening and remember to rate and subscribe. And if you are feeling the need for real balance in your life, get your free 3-Step Life Plan, and get started today! Just go to conniesokol.com/download.