3 Scripts for Kids Who Hate to Lose, Whine, Or Say “That’s Not Fair!”

KIRK'S ANNUAL BIRTHDAY SALE ENDS NEXT WEEK: You get everything we have ever recorded delivered directly to an app on your iPhone, iPad, Android, or computer. Listen anywhere, anytime. You receive 35 hours of practical strategies and concrete examples, along with multiple PDF workbooks. Click here to learn more and take advantage of Kirk's Birthday Sale: https://celebratecalm.com/calm-2022/

Want to talk with Kirk directly and come up with a game plan for your family? Kirk will work with you individually, or together with your spouse, to get you on the same page and help with the toughest parenting situations you haven’t been able to solve. These calls are a game-changer.  Click here to learn about mentoring packages. 

Want to book a LIVE EVENT in 2022?! We are now booking IN PERSON and Zoom events for schools, PTAs, churches, synagogues, corporations, and agencies! Simply email Casey@CelebrateCalm with LIVE in the subject line and he'll share a one-page proposal within hours. It's EASY! PS: If you live in Texas, Indiana, or Michigan, we have discounted dates available! :) 

Questions? Need help deciding on the best tools for your family? Email Casey@CelebrateCalm.com and Casey will help you personally!

Abbreviated Transcript

(1) My son can’t lose and makes it miserable to play games. What should I do?

It isn't worth it to play games at this point until he matures more OR unless you are willing to patiently teach him how to lose. I would set the expectation in this way: 

"Before we play, I want you to know that you may or may not lose this time, but you will definitely lose at some point. That does not make you a loser. It just means you lost that particular game. I am not going to baby you or let you win. If you want me to respect you and give you more privileges as you get older, then you have to act in a more mature way. And that means being able to lose and lose well. Otherwise, I simply will not play with you. But if you're willing, I'll help you."

You don’t have to lecture about sportsmanship and use a snotty tone to complain that he’s a poor loser. You just give him context and tell the truth about what you’re willing to do. Then he gets to make the choice.

(2) What do I do when my son needs to prove his point or clams things aren’t fair?

Acknowledge that his points/feelings are valid, but then move to problem solve. 

“You make a good, valid point. You have a reason to be upset or feel injustice. So what do you want to do about it? What you are demanding is not going to work. So if you want to complain and rant and get all that frustration out, I’ll give you 7 minutes to do so. But after 7 minutes is up, then we begin problem solving.”

(3) How do I handle a whiny child?  

You’re not obligated to drop everything for your kids. You’re not obligated to respond sweetly all the time. Your kids have to learn to live with disappointment.

Always use that emotionless, matter of fact tone that demonstrates, “I’m not moved by this, I can handle tough things, I’m not going to react, take it personally, beg or bribe or guilt trip you. I am an objective observer of the situation who is here to provide context, wisdom and tools…but I am not here to fix everything for you.” You can try this. 

“I am working on something now, but I do know you’re capable of…” and then give your child a couple very specific, short tasks she can complete by herself. You’re not whining back or pleading. You’re letting her know these are two things she can do. You are giving her something she is in control of.

Here is a helpful script for a child throwing a tantrum: “You may whine and throw a tantrum if you want. But I want you to always know one thing: it will NEVER work with me. Not in public, not when I’m tired, never.

“Your behavior does not control/determine my behavior. Your attitude does not determine mine. I am glad to help, but I’m not going to do it for you. Talk to me like an adult and I’ll treat you like one.”

Ready to break the endless cycle of consequences and frustration? Let us show you exactly how with real scripts and action steps.

So many parents look back with regret. Do not make that same mistake. You can change this beginning TODAY.