Why I'm Glad A Kid Ignored His Parents

GET 25 CONCRETE ACTION STEPS THAT WILL REBUILD YOUR RELATIONSHIP.
Kirk shows you exactly how to do this through the No BS program. It’s the instruction manual you should have been given when you brought your strong willed child home. Listen directly on your iPhone or Android with our new app. Get the No B.S. Program for $99 (Reg. $300). Click here to learn more about the No B.S. Program!

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Questions? Need help deciding on the best tools for your family? Email Casey@CelebrateCalm.com and Casey will help you personally!

Abbreviated Transcript

A boy aged 10 is at our live event. During the break and toward the end of the evening, he is off to the side of the auditorium crawling across the seats of chairs on his knees.

I notice his parents irritated, anxious, embarrassed. I stop my presentation and make this point.

“See this young man over here? This is what he is supposed to be doing! It would be weird if a kid sat perfectly still for two hours through an adult presentation, especially after sitting still at school all day.

“Now, naturally his good parents up here are concerned, maybe irritated and self-conscious. And they are shooting their son the evil eye, prompting him to stop and come sit down. But it's hard to yell at your child in front of the Calm Guy!

“Well, I am glad this young man is ignoring them right now. Because he isn’t doing anything wrong. In fact, I think we need to affirm him for some really good choices he has consciously made:

“He didn’t get up and run across the stage. He’s not jumping from chair to chair on his feet. He’s not hurdling over the chairs. He’s not making noises or interrupting anyone or even bugging his parents to 'leave this boring talk'.

“But we miss that don’t we? Because we have wrong expectations of our kids AND ourselves. So I’d like to take a moment and give a round of applause to this young man for quietly meeting his sensory and exercise needs, in a respectful way, and to these parents for raising such a smart, respectful young man.”

But that's not what YOU usually hear, is it? Most of the time you (and your child) are being judged: "Why can't you sit still? Can you believe he was crawling over chairs while that man was speaking? Don't you know how to discipline your son?"

After awhile, the strong-willed child just tunes everyone out or becomes defiant because all he ever hears is the negative, what he’s doing wrong. And no one notices all the good choices he’s made. That child will grow truly defiant and angry. So here are a few steps:

(1) Normalize your child’s behavior. It would be weird if toddlers didn’t make messes and stick things in their mouths. It would be weird if siblings didn’t fight much of the time. It would be weird if kids didn’t act impulsively and try to make other kids laugh. It would be weird if middle school kids didn’t do the minimal work necessary to get by. 

It would be weird if your teenager said, “Mom/Dad, you have so much wisdom. Could you continue to lecture me for another 15 minutes so I can soak up your hard-earned wisdom?”

Of course kids are going to make bad choices, sneak things into bed, and try to get away with things. Why keep getting so flustered and take it so personally?!

(2) Adjust your expectations of your child and yourself. Otherwise, both you and your child will always feel like failures. This is one of the primary action steps when I am conducting phone consultations with parents—simply identifying what is important and what is not.

(3) Stop trying to change/fix things that don’t need to changed/fixed.Stop creating power struggles over issues that just don’t matter.

(4) Stop pointing out everything your child is doing wrongor everything they could be doing better. Eliminate the “Nice job, but…” formulation that crushes spirits.

(5) Start noticing what your child is already doing well.Begin asking, “What didn’t they do wrong that they could have?!” Your kids will be more motivated when they feel like they have a chance to win.

This isn't really about changing your child's behavior. It's about connecting and building trusting relationships. That changes behavior more effectively anyway. And it's what we are called to do.

Let us show you EXACTLY how to do this, step by step, day in and day out. We give you scripts and a guide to show you exactly how to do this in every situation.Imagine having a close relationship with your most challenging child.

So many parents look back with regret. Do not make that same mistake. You can change this beginning TODAY. 

GET 25 CONCRETE ACTION STEPS THAT WILL REBUILD YOUR RELATIONSHIP.
Kirk shows you exactly how to do this through the No BS program. It’s the instruction manual you should have been given when you brought your strong willed child home. Listen directly on your iPhone or Android with our new app.

Get the No B.S. Program for $99 (Reg. $300) or FREE when you book a Phone Consultation with Kirk.

Click here to learn more about the No B.S. Program!