“I’m Stupid!” How to Change/Improve Behavior

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ABBREVIATED TRANSCRIPT 

Your child doesn’t wake up wanting to be in trouble. He didn’t choose the kind of brain he has or the personality he was born with.

Yet throughout his entire childhood, he will feel like he’s getting in trouble for simply for being who he has always been…using the brain he’s always had. And largely doing what he’s supposed to do: be curious, focus on what he’s interested in, touch the hot stove.

And so he ends up saying things that hurt your heart: "Nobody likes me," "I wish I hadn't been born," "I’m so stupid.” Too often, it’s because he feels helpless to change.

I know you’re frustrated. And you should be. You try to convince your child through rational lectures and appeals and threats, hoping he’s going to magically shape up and behave.

IT ISN’T GOING TO HAPPEN. This isn’t just a behavior issue. You’re dealing with a child who feels HELPLESS to change.

So instead of punishing a child for failing, let’s do this for the next two weeks at home and school: PROACTIVELY GIVE YOUR CHILD TOOLS TO SUCCEED.

One of main objectives during phone consultations is to creatively find a way to give your kids tools that work specifically for them and use their natural gifts and strengths to improve behavior and confidence. Here are a few tools:

- Your child needs structure and likes independence. Just as you may lay out his clothes, but allow him to get dressed how he wants by himself…you may try that with breakfast. Don’t ask what your child wants—he may get overwhelmed. Just lay out two options and let your child choose what, where, and how he eats his breakfast. You can also ask, “What else would you like to do on your own?”

Instead of using the phrase, “Ready to do your homework?” and inciting a violent response, you slide the math worksheet under his door and let him complete it without you staring over his shoulder. Of course he may not do it. So give him tools:

Let your child do homework standing at the kitchen counter while listening to music and eating a snack; lying upside down off the sofa, jumping on a trampoline, underneath the kitchen table, balancing on an exercise ball.

Let your child do homework the way HIS brain works best. Not the way YOUR brain works. Definitely listen to ADHD University to understand how your child’s brain works best.

Have teachers give your child a specific job during unstructured times like recess. “Jacob, next week we are studying reptiles. You are such a great artist. At recess, could you and Jimmy draw some reptiles for me? That will help me teach next week.” The teacher just created a success, used your child’s natural talents, and helped him make a friend.

For the next two weeks:
(1) Relentless give your child tools to succeed. There are hundreds of these in the Calm Parenting Package (Get Everything, whichever you are selling) or schedule calls with me and we will brainstorm together. 

(2) Affirm your child when he makes progress. Short and sweet, like sowing seeds. “Nice job, son. Shows me you’re growing up.” 

THIS will change behavior, build your child’s confidence, and build a closer, more trusting relationship with your child. Because good discipline should always lead to a closer, more trusting relationship. Want that? We can show you exactly how to get it.