Ep 193: Missing Loved Ones This Time Of Year? An Expert Helps Guide Us Through

We all experience loss in our lives, and dealing with grief while also honoring and remembering our loved ones can be incredibly challenging. Particularly around the holidays, those who were closest to us who have passed on are often at the forefront of our minds.

This week, Jean sits down with Allison Gilbert, an Emmy-award winning journalist, and the author of "Passed and Present: Keeping Memories of Loved Ones Alive." Her book has been described as a "how-to" manual for remembering our loved ones, and contains 85 practical ways to remember, honor, and celebrate those who have passed. "There is more that we can do than just going to a cemetery or lighting a candle," Allison says, adding that she wanted to find a way to make her parents real for her two children who didn't have their maternal grandparents. "I wanted them to truly understand and value and appreciate all those things that came from the Gilbert family," she says.

Allison walks us through how we can all take ownership of ensuring our loved ones' memories live on in perpetuity. She also talks about how we can be an awesome friend and coworker to people who have lost loved ones, when we just aren't sure what to say. (She also includes ideas for special remembrance gifts, which we all need!)

Allison also shares why the way we talk about our late loved ones matters. "When I'm speaking to my children, I never say 'my mom' or 'my dad,' I will always say 'your grandmother' and 'your grandfather,' because it orients that relationship to them, and makes it more tangible to what they would have missed," she says.

Jean and Allison also talk about all of the baggage, stuff and money that's often associated with death, and the ways that people can best deal with it. (Hint: Nothing has to be done today, tomorrow, or even the next day after a loss... You can have some breathing room and wait six months before you do anything.) In other words, you don't have to wake up and immediately sell the house. Rather, you can wait until the emotions aren't so raw. You can take a breath and then bring in an advisor (a financial advisor, a trusted friend or family member) who is more neutral and who can help you think about next steps and perhaps purging your loved one's goods over time.

Allison also breaks down a guide for how to repurpose and donate your loved one's possessions, and how to make giving things away a less guilt-ridden process. She also offers up her thoughts on how to make it easier for our own children and grandchildren to deal with our "stuff" and to remember us after we're gone. Thankfully, the digital world has changed the game when it comes to remembering. It's easier than ever to share stories in a family Google doc, upload and digitize photos, and share memories — it's no longer the responsibility of one family member to be the repository of the entire family history.

Then, in Mailbag, Jean advises a woman going through a divorce on whether to keep saving or pay down her debt, since she will likely be splitting assets and liabilities evenly with her husband. She also guides a listener who's considering refinancing her home loan but is unsure if it's worth the time and effort to save half a percentage point, and offers her thoughts on getting a prenup to a woman who's engaged to a man who has a strained relationship with his children. Lastly, in Thrive, Jean dishes on how to retain your sanity and energy levels when pursuing a side gig.